I’d say about 90% who work from home don’t have an office party to go to this year. For the 10% or so that do live close enough to attend the company’s Christmas party, be warned…

Style over Substance

You’ve been starving yourself all week to fit into your slinky little party dress, and 20 minutes into the night, you find yourself face-down in a platter of mini quiches. The lesson? Eat a little something before you go. Trust me: a couple of crackers are not going to show. Even in that dress.

All I Want for Christmas is You

You get caught making out with the receptionist (or the gopher) in the copy room/your boss’s office/in the back seat of your car. You may not even know you’ve been caught until the emails start circulating. Just hope your rival in the race for VP doesn’t have a camera phone, or an unflattering shot of your escapades will probably end up posted on the breakroom fridge, right next to the “When it Grows Mold We Throw it Out” sign.

Have a crush on an office mate? You might want to keep it to yourself. Remember, tonight’s eggnog confession is tomorrow’s sexual harassment suit.

Try the Spinach Dip

You’ve walked around all night with nacho cheese on your party dress or spinach dip wedged firmly in your teeth. The lesson? Eat carefully or wear a bib. The choice is yours. Otherwise, stick to crackers, cheese, and dipless celery sticks.

Happy $%**#@! Holidays!

Whether it’s revealing your master plan to ascend your company ladder with or without your boss’s assistance, or that your date thinks his boss is a clueless monkey of a man whose Armani suits can’t make up for his endless chattering, now is not the time to discuss company politics. Loose lips do more than sink ships — they sink careers as well. And drowning in booze is no excuse for social stupidity.

Worse than getting drunk at your holiday party is getting drunk at your date or spouse’s holiday party. You can’t redeem yourself the next day, and you’ll always be remembered as “Dave’s girlfriend, the one who can’t hold three martinis.”

Try Not To Vomit

This one comes to you courtesy of personal experience from yours truly. Your oh-so-hot-VP, recently-single boss offers to drive you home after the festivities, and you require a number of roadside pit-stops so that you don’t throw up on the seats of his brand new Lexus.

Fancy parties usually mean fancy drinks. The fruity, festive, Singapore Sling might look delightful as the bartender is serving them to your boss’s wife, but if you’ve never had one before, now is not the time to try. It won’t look nearly as pretty coming up the other way.

Elves Who Can’t Spell

Whether it’s for the client or the boss, if you’re in charge of buying the holiday gift, make sure you check the spelling on the names before you write it on the tag. Bossman Bob may not truly appreciate an Internet gift certificate made out to “Boob, the Best Boss Ever.”

There Goes that Goofball Lenny Again

Check for feet under the stalls before you have your end-of-the-year gossip fest at Lenny’s expense. Making fun of your boss or co-worker might ordinarily be safe to do in the office ladies’ room, but those might be Mrs. Goofball’s black satin pumps peeking out from under that little metal door.